My hair is finished!!  Yay!!!  Well, actually it will take a lot of me playing with it for FOREVER for it to fully lock up.  But I finally have a full head of dread lock hair.  I look like Madusa right now.  I have A LOT of hair.  I think it might flatten out a little once it locks up some more... but I'm really okay if it doesn't.  It all makes me happy.

My brothers can't stop talking about how this will affect the demographic who will hit on me.  They all keep saying I look like I smoke weed. 
I kinda do look like it.   

My mouth is numb from the dentist this morning and that sucks...

I bought all five seasons of Angel with the money from one of my graduation prizes.  John and my mom are totally hooked.  My mom agrees that Joss Whedon is a genius.  She really respects all the different sorts of stories that he experiments with, and she totally loves the various tortured souls.

And my heart:
I'll probably get open heart surgery this Chistmas.  The dentist also wants my wisdom teeth taken out at Christmas.  We might do that later this summer.  It looks like I'll probably do the short one week camping in cabins Wheaton thing instead of the three week wilderness thing; they're not sure that my heart can take the stress.  I guess that's okay.  It's just so weird, because I'm not the sort of person who has weird health problems, you know? 

pictures of my hair on facebook, if you haven't seen it.

So... it all starts with a little heart palpitation.  Because of my heart murmur (which I've had my whole life and has never given me any trouble) my dad takes me into the ER to get an EKG, just to make sure that it's nothing serious.  Of course by the time I get to the ER my heart had stopped beating all weird.  end of that story.

Then I get home from Washington and dad wants to wear this little heart monitor.  It sticks three wire things to me and if I have a heart palpitation I hit the "symptom" button and it records it.  That way we have the info to see if it's serious or not.  But it looks weird.  and feels totally unnecessary.  I mean I haven't had one before that one night or since.  but whatever.  I wear it sometimes, not as much as I'm supposed to.

All this business with my heart made my dad remember that I'm supposed to have an echocardiogram this year and that we should do it before I go to ETC and then college.  So I had it yesterday.  Then they decided they wanted to do another one today on a super-duper machine to see how much blood is flowing through the hole in my heart (to see if it's going to become an issue or something).  After the echo today they decided that they want to do a heart catheterization to take measurements of the hole and determine the same thing that they were supposed to figure out from the echo this morning.  So thats four hours of hospital fun with IVs and whatnot for me on Monday!

And the best part!!  If the hole in my heart really is getting bigger, then they'll have to close it.  That means I might get open heart surgery for Christmas this year!  Yaaay!!  Or if it's really serious then I might miss some of the Wheaton orientation wilderness thing for it. 

We don't really expect it to be serious.  And even if I need the surgery this is all preventive stuff anyway.  We're dealing with things before they become problems.  I really feel I'm gonna be fine.  That doesn't mean that I'm not gonna complain.  And I'm sort of attatched to my swishy heart beat.  I have no interest in a heart that goes lub-dub.  how boring.  unless my swishy heart will hurt me.  but I hope it doesn't.

And on top of all this I had my physical for ETC and Wheaton this afternoon. We decided to give me a little cocktail of shots in order to get me up to date on immunizations and all that jazz.  And I feinted after the first two.  I'm a big sissy.  Plus fasting for the blood work on Friday to prepare me for the catheterization on Monday.

I feel like a hypochondriac with all this doctor stuff I've got going on.  It sucks.

on the upside I've gotten in touch with Mary Beth and she started dreading my hair last night.

And in case there is anyone who hasn't hear- Friday the 22nd is a date to be saved because it's the night of the going away party I'm throwing for myself.  Party for as much of the night as you want and then Cynthia and I take off in the morning.

So, for anyone interested in stalking me, my schedule for the next little while will be as follows.

Thurs afternoon- Diana, Joy and I see a movie
Thurs night- Oxford and Zoolander

Fri morning- shopping for random things
Fri night- graduation rehearsal and dinner at the headmaster's house with parents

Sat morning- graduation
Sat night- Philly with Cynthia

Sun morning- church
Sun afternoon- Tafoya's graduation party with brothers

Tues morning- echocardiogram (sp?)

Wed afternoon- physical for ETC.

and somewhere in all that I will also have a dentist's appointment and a Buffy marathon. 
And the night of friday the 22nd I'm throwing myself a little going away party.  EVERYONE should attend because the rest of the summer is scheduled back to back with ETC and then Wheaton Wilderness thing.  I'm basically not coming home in between the two.

In other news- for those of you who didn't know, I've been trying to lose weight since I came back from Washington.  Although I have successfuly lost a little over 10 pounds (however that includes any weight I lost in Washington, but I wasn't really dieting seriously there) I have decided to break my diet.  Because it has basically turned me into Little Miss PMS 24/7. And it made fair to midling miserable on several levels.  It only took 5 days to come to that conclusion.
But I'm still gonna exercise, because I like that.  I can actually enjoy feeling a little sore and exhausted.  And I don't think I'll snack as much as I used to.  I probably won't lose any weight.  But I'll be healthier and happier this way.

Okay, so I'm going back to ETC.

This is so weird.

It doesn't feel quite real.

So I need a sonnet.  I'm leaning toward 36 right now.
1. Let me confess that we two must be twain,
2. Although our undivided loves are one:
3. So shall those blots that do with me remain,
4. Without thy help, by me be borne alone.
5. In our two loves there is but one respect,
6. Though in our lives a separable spite,
7. Which though it alter not love's sole effect,
8. Yet doth it steal sweet hours from love's delight.
9. I may not evermore acknowledge thee,
10. Lest my bewailed guilt should do thee shame,
11. Nor thou with public kindness honour me,
12. Unless thou take that honour from thy name:
13. But do not so, I love thee in such sort,
14. As thou being mine, mine is thy good report.

And here's my paraphrase of it

Lets admit that we both need to goour separate ways now
even though our love will stay together:
like the various bad things between us are still going to stay with me,
and I'm gonna deal with them without your help.

Together, our loves were aiming towards one goal (they were united)
But fate is separating us
but that doesn't make us love eachother any less,
but it does mean we can't be together.

I might not acknowledge you as a friend in public again
Because that would make you look bad.
And you shouldn't acknowledge me as a friend,
unless you want to make yourself look bad.

But you shouldn't do that becaue I love you so much
that the two of us are one, and so if you have a good name (by not associating with me) then I will also have a good name.

thoughts?

I might go back to ETC this summer.  fifteen minutes ago this wasn't even a thing and now.... OH MY GOSH!!! 

My mom and I will talk later tonight.  My schedule this summer might be a little funtastic but... but... I might go BACK!

my heart is pounding.

in other news:
Clara can really dance like no one is watching.  She hasn't learned to be self conscious.  Is that yet to come or is she just cooler than me?  I sincerely hope it's the latter.

I can't believe I might go back to ETC.  I can't sit down, I might pee my pants.